Get Inside My Head

I guess that is an accurate word for what it is that we do.

I read your post, and I wanted to be upset. I wanted to cry. I wanted to feel something.

I won’t lie to you. I am still struggling after last night. I feel numb, blank, almost empty.

I understand why those words scare you. But I’m still pissed. No, that’s a terrible word for what I’m feeling. It’s much deeper than that.

You keep asking if we’re okay. I want to be, but I still haven’t gotten past that conversation yet. I still haven’t wrapped my head around the concept that eluded me last night. I need to get this under control, before things shift and we can’t shift them back.

heyfunniest:

(Source: egifany)

That’s honestly why this has been so awkward all weekend.

We can make all the plans in the world for our future, but if we can’t take a step in the reverse and talk about the past we had, how can we even begin to move forward?

Last night was horrible. The first fight, the first tears, and the first avoiddance of the conversation.

It needs to happen at some point, and since I’m an emotional wreck right now and can’t seem to handle face-to-face interactions, I’ll just put the gist of it here.

Things are not always going to be rainbows and butterflies, as someone once told me.

I have a lot of anger and hurt stored up over what we’ve been through in the past 3 years of knowing each other, but I try to cram it all back inside so we don’t have to suffer. I don’t know if it can stay that way. We need to deal with it, and soon, because I am having a hard time ignoring it right now.

I’m confused, and I’m upset that last night was destroyed over one simple sentence that tried to place all the blame on me being ‘unable to make a simple decision,’ essentially.

That’s not what it was, we both know it, and I just can’t wrap my head around why it was phrased that way.

The bottom line is that we need to talk about it. And it needs to happen soon.

I don’t want this to destroy everything.